It’s been a long time since my last post and today I thought of sharing few words of my friend whose voice was suppressed all the time and no one ever understood because it inaudible with the ears of ego and dominance-
“Maybe these days I am not too confident. The world seems to be dominating and non-acceptable which was least expected but suddenly ‘quitting’ is not an option not anymore and it is devastating when you are harassed and abused, you can’t run from the situation. You are the person who harasses and abuses yourself, when you judge yourself with all the doubt and feel so unskilled that living too is a burden, not to someone but on yourself.
Your responses delays than usual, you feel comfortable to be trapped in your sequence of thinking. You can’t ask for help because you can’t run away from yourself and people starts getting rid off you. Each day, every second, it gets bigger and bigger and your self-esteem gets lower and lower until everything just ends by itself. Everything seems louder, everything repeats, your actions become frustrative. Maybe it’s all normal and I am just scared but it is longing for too much now and for the first time I don’t have the keys to lock myself and feel safe.
Everything seems cold, frozen, still and silent that your not ought to make any noise, that you are suppressed to be silent. Now, you start behaving normally but that normal is fine for them who do but you are being blamed and instructed that you are not ought to do normal things but that makes everything confusing even the word ‘normal’ and I can’t ask for anyone because then I will again be blamed, fool and unskilled. I want to escape from myself which tends to be wrong and against everything the universe has ever created.
You abuse yourself from the time you try to fit in the definition of normal. And now you became defensive and get rid off the personality which is the reflection of this fake reality of 7.6 Billion people. Nothing seems possible and everything you do is wrong. I feel like shouting out loud and rude but these people close your mouth by whatever rules they think they can survive in the world with. At last, I am silent and hurt, I have been taught it is better for everyone and once again I proved to be a fool.”